I’ve decided to install a rocket launcher on my bike. If drivers get in my way and get hit by a rocket, frankly, what did they expect?
They should drive more carefully.
I always see drivers doing stupid things, weaving in and out of traffic without indicating, running red lights, blocking intersections, and stopping in the bike boxes.
Who do they think they are? Mark Webber?
They’re a danger to themselves and others.
Half of them are on bloody mobile phones anyway.
I even saw one not wearing a seatbelt! Can you believe it? He must have a deathwish!
It’s not my fault rocket launchers are dangerous.
I mean, it’s obvious that if you want to be on the road and there are rocket launchers around, someone is going to get hit by a rocket eventually.
If you don’t like it, stay off the road.
It’s not my problem.
Sure, occasionally I’ll accidentally fire off a rocket while I’m trying to pause the Garmin, but shit happens.
It’s just that cars are always getting in my way.
I’m just trying to get to work, and those fucking pricks in cars are always in the way.
Yesterday I wasted 15 minutes stopped at traffic lights because of all the bloody cars everywhere.
I know drivers are technically entitled to use the roads, but jeez they shit me.
Why should I have to wait when I’ve got a big bloody rocket launcher?
I pay rocket launcher tax. They don’t.
Not all drivers are terrible, but tough luck
The penalty for getting in my way will be a rocket up the bumper.
I can’t be expected to know which are the good drivers or which are the bad ones. Besides, if you’re in my way you’re obviously one of the bad ones.
They all look the bloody same in their stupid metal boxes to me.
Anyway, a few more rockets and they’ll learn to respect me.
Obviously, this piece is satirical. However, if you’ve seen a KickStarter project for handlebar-mounted guided weaponry, I would still like to know about it. You never know how fast things can escalate.